I don't miss him. Or what he had to offer me. At all.
So here's a little background in a nutshell. My last ex-boyfriend....he and I had developed a friends with benefits relationship. Something that we mutually decided on and wanted, and this worked out very well for us! I mean, it was basically like we were still in a relationship, but without a label, and no strings attached....but everyone knew we still messed around and respected that by not tryna get with us or whatever. So yea, this was the deal for the end of the school year and the summer, and even over this past thanksgiving break!
But somewhere along the way toward the beginning of this school year, he and one of his ex-girlfriends got back together. I didnt realize this...or rather, it wasnt FB official, until after the thanksgiving break hook-up. Aha, that sounds terrible. But okay yea, I see this on FB and I'm like oh....alright. I mean, I wouldn't expect him to tell me this anyway, but it caught me off guard. Like, I didnt even know him and the girl were still cool! They had been together quite a while ago...like 10th grade. Granted, it was serious back then, but ya know. Okay. So him and her got back together, I see this, I dont really care, because he's still texting me talking about our future sexcapades as if nothing changed.
I see him again over winter break, but due to conflicting and busy schedules, we dont hook up or anything. And let me just add this side note--me and this guy arent really the closest of friends. We only text each other when its about sex. And thats rare...as in like maybe 3 times out of a month. Okay, so anyway I get back to Howard and he texts me and we're talking about how next time we see each other (spring break) we need to make up for lost time, yadda yadda. I'm saying yeah, okay, but something inside me kinda was ehhhh about it.
So spring break comes along, and the first day there, Leah comes over! Leah is like my closest friend, btw. And this boy is one of her closest friends. And he somehow comes up. And we start talking about him. And she tells me how this nigga I speak about done went and got this girl's name tatted on his side. I cant even describe my reaction. You know like the record scratching sound that happens on tv when something unexpected happens? Yeah, that played in my head. I was like HOLD THE FUCK UP...what?!? &&Apparently it had been there for awhile. Once again, I understand that he wouldnt tell me something like that, but I was gonna find out eventually if we were supposed to hook up over the break, which was the plan!! I was so upset. For a few reasons. I guess the main reason is that somewhere deeeep in my heart I had an ounce of hope that MAYBE he and I could be together in the future. Like he'd have a change or heart or some shit. So that went out the window. And then that just made me mad that he would go and do something so dumb!! I dont give a fuck how much you love someone, thats like the biggest no-no. I wouldnt even get a spouses name tatted on me. The fuck?! So at that very moment in my head, I decided that I was done.
NEVER AM I THE SIDELINE HOE. Like it was the oddest realization. Because wholetime, I knew I was the sideline hoe! And I was okay with it! What the fuck?! I cant believe how much control he had over me. Im dumb as shit. So anyway, I texted him like halfway through the week and said that Im done with this FWB thing. And then I deleted his number. It was like a weight lifted. I felt so good.
And the other day he tweeted me. Which surprised me. Because he never does. Which partially may be because his girlfriend has a twitter. But yea, he mentioned me in a tweet....and it kinda made me smile. Maybe we will end up still being friends. But if not, thats okay too. I just needed to end that unhealthy relationship. It was too much for my life.
So Im happy. I feel much better. This is just the beginning of a series of life changes that will bring me more happiness :D Yay.
Me over spring break. Hah.