i have the biggest crush.

like...i havent crushed on anyone in a while. of course im always seeing a guy around campus who i think is cute, but its been about a year since ive come across someone who i actually would like to bag. and this is odd to me because im not the type to actually want a relationship...but for him, id change that all around.

idk what attracts me to him. hes definitely far from your stereotypical fine dude. a lot of people probably wouldnt even find him attractive. but i am seriously head over heels in like with him. i get so giddy when im around him, cheesing and all. but my shy ass would never go smack at him. ever.

funny thing is i had him....on my birthday...in the palm of my hands. we were both under the influence and having a goooood ol' time together in a corner somewhere, from what i hear [i cant remember]. i wish i could recall what all happened...well i heard, but id much rather be able to know and re-live it for myself :P

ANYWAYS, this boy is taking over my life. blehhhh. imma just keep my eye on him from a distance...dont wanna act too thirsty.

i miss him.

you know when you think you're over somebody?


then they do or say something to make you start doubting yourself?


yea, that happened today.

forgiveness.

Yall wont believe what I did last night.


So yall know crybaby by now, Im sure. He's the ex that I frequently mention...worse relationship ever, hate his guts, etc. Well I went to visit him last night...


It all started with a friend request and poke from him on facebook a few weeks back. Took me by surprise, because we havent been on good terms since...I cant even remember when. After some thought, I decided to just message him and see wassup...and I was gonna be nice about it. Well, we ended up talking thru these fb messages, and everything was cool. It was as if no beef had ever been there, and we were just two old friends catching up. I surprised myself, really. Never am I being so nice to this dude who I have so much hate for...well, had. Over time the hate I had for him kinda just went away, and I just never thought about it anymore...unless one of my jerkass friends would bring it up, haha.


So these messages turn to texts...and eventually he suggests that we should chill. Hesitantly, I said yes, hoping that I wouldnt regret it. 


Last night I went out with my girls to dinner for Jenna's b-day. Afterward, I dropped Leah off, and it was only about 12.30, so I decided to head on over there. &&Surprisingly it wasnt bad! We just caught up on each others lives, told stories, talked about the past...it was good! Nothing special, so Im not gonna go into detail about the convo..but as the night went on, I noticed he kept inching closer toward me, messing with me more, I would catch him staring, he even poked my ass!!...stuff like that. In my head Im like OH GAWD, this nigga still got feelings. I made sure not to lead him on into thinking I was enjoying it, because I WASNT lmao, and just hoped hed get the message.


As he was walking me to my car to leave, he was looking all sad, walking all slow, etc. Again, I was like this nigga really still has something for me...fml. So we hug goodbye, for much longer than I wanted to, and I noticed as I pulled away he tried to turn his head to kiss me! I was like OH HELLL NAW, and quickly got into my car haha. Then he was like one more hug or whatever, so I gave him a lil one arm deal, and this nigga tried to kiss my forehead. I was like NIGGA QUIT! tooo too serious, like stop. And NEVER did he proceed to kiss my cheek -___- I gave him the meanest look I could fathom and said 'dismiss yourself.' He laughed, but I was too serious. 


That blew my mind. I knew he would try some slick shit. Pissed me off. BUT besides that, Im glad there's no more hostility between us. It was pointless and unhealthy...so its cool.

what is my type?

Okay, so the girl-boy ratio up here is like 8:1..in my class there are 2100 girls and 400 guys i believe? Anyways, that leads me to this--dudes here are SUPER THIRSTY. Like, if I was a dude, I wouldnt even be trippin, at least not this early in the game. We've been in school for only 3 full weeks, and dudes already trying to cuff girls and shit!

Which brings me to this...I never used to say 'cuff' back home...now I use that word atleast 20 times a day. Its like the #1 trending topic around hu probably lmao. My roomie ashley is the 'cuffmaster' because a new dude comes onto her everryyyyday, &&this trick be leading them on as if shes actually interested...hahaha. I love her. Her name in my phone is 'cuffcake'...she stay getting 'handcuffed' and she can neverrrr find her key :P. Haha, okay Im off her ass.

So back to what I was saying...its crazy how desperate dudes here are to get into relationships. One of the good friends Ive made up here who shall remain nameless is definately into me. He hasnt said it, but I know. Its sooo fucking obvious. Everyone knows. Thing is, 1-Im not trying to be in a relationship...whyyy would I want to be in one right now? The fuck!? Plus, I havent even met a noteable portion of the rest of my class...this aint no love at first sight type shit! 2-I like him as a friend and onlyyy a friend, &&could never see us together...just to be real, hes not my type!

So now Im asking myself...what is my type?! Physically, I know what I like..but thats only one aspect. There are plentyyy of dudes around campus that I consider eye candy...lets see, some things that catch my eye in a dude physically:

• You haveeee to be taller than me. none of this same height shit...I just dont dig that.
• Ive never really been a dark chocolate lover, but one of my new friends quickly changed my mind about that :P. Im honestly not too big on skin tone though....shit, give me a fine ass white boy! &&There is one here that I see allllll the time who is just...perfection. Good lord...
• Back home, we dont really have quite the abundance of dreadheads as we do here. I like a dude with dreads, as long as he keeps them up and looking nice....really with hair it doesnt matter either, as long as it fits you and is kept tidy :]
• Shoe game has to be on point...&&Im a sucker for a dude in some nike's but switch it up! I wanna see some chucks, sperrys, vans, toms...I like a dude with a wide variety of shoe styles, ya know?
• &&You have to know how to dress. Ive dated a dude who couldnt dress, &&that shit just pisses me off. Like, thats the first impression someone gets of you when yall meet...why go around looking like you shop at...the dollar tree, lmao, I couldnt think of an example. &&The thing is, even if you dont shop at all the high end stores and dont wear polo everyday, you can alllways make whatever you have work if you really took the time. But some dudes just dont care, &&its obvious they dont care. I hate that.
• &&Then other random stuff like physical strength, smile, hygiene [which is actually a HUGE deal for me], athletic ability, etc.

But what is it about a dude that attracts me to him on a level deeper than that? I still dont know. All I know is that I can tell when a dude isnt my type, as in this situation that Im currently in, but I just cant quite put my finger on what it is...crazy, huh?

golden.

Take me back in the day when loving was pure.

Love ain't going away, love is always secure.

Life's not always perfect but love's always forever.

Lets let true love connect lets try lasting together.

I apologize if these love posts are annoying yall...I just can't help it! He stays on my mind...alll...dayy...longg. Not even kidding.

:D

Last night I went to BB's house for game night! &&Had sooo much fun...even though we didn't play many games, lol. The quality time with him toward the end...which in this case was like 1 in the morning...is what I cherished and enjoyed most :]

i less than 3 him.

"Take me back in the day when loving was pure.



Love ain't going away, love is always secure.


Life's not always perfect but love's always forever.


Lets let true love connect lets try lasting together.






I'm so ready to love, I'm so ready to promise my all.


I'm so ready to give til' the day that my life is no more.


I'll be everything that this woman could possibly be.


Cause I'm ready to be like the olden days when commitment was golden. "
-Chrisette M.
 
 

I'm the luckiest girl in the world...because I have fallen head over heels for a boy who constantly makes me happy, who stays crackin me up, who stays surprising me with the sweet things he says, who always makes me feel better on my bad days, who is gorgeous, who satisfies me, who makes my heart melt....

&&A boy who loves me.

I could go on forever about him! I'm giddy as hell bruh. Ohmahgad.

I'm so excited about this weekend...valentine's day weekend! It's gonna be perfect! Not to mention the first time I actually spend it with my significant other, and not family :P

To put it all in a nutshell: I'm super motherfucking happy.

That is all :D

one of those days.

Today was just one of those days...that I wanted to last forever. Certain parts, at least. I don't know what has come over me, but today I definately had a change of heart...for the better. I felt something I don't think I've ever felt before...something I used to fake with other dudes, or tell myself that I was feeling just to make myself feel better. That's kinda a big deal. I don't know where this is going, but I like where it seems to be headed thus far. We shall see...all I know is that I'm HAPPY. Something I kinda lost for a while last year, and the thing that's most important to me now. :]

In other relationship news, my first...uhm lover, let's say...just friend requested me on facebook. We haven't talked in 4 years! Is it odd that I'm kinda excited about this? I just feel like I have matured a bazillion times over since our relationship way back then...so talking to him should be interesting!

what i strive for.

" Thank You for being THAT BOY to me . For teaching me how to mature as a young lady dealing with the males of this world . Thank you for teaching me the game . You did it unknowingly , but I still thank you . You was THAT BOY to me . The one who broke my heart then mended it again then ended up breaking it again . You was THAT BOY who taught me life lessons about relationships . I use to hate you , despise even the mention of your name , but I grew up alot . And I'm glad you did the things you did . Because now I know to never give another boy that much control of me . "

That mindset right there is what I'm currently striving for;; I want to get to the point where I dont cringe at the mention of his name, sight of his face, etc. I need to learn how to move on and focus on how happy I am NOW, not how miserable I was back then. I learned so much about myself from my relationship with him, so really I should be appreciative! I now know what I like and dont like in a guy, my strengths and weaknesses, the things that bored me and the things that make my heart beat faster in excitement...I guess its just been so hard because we ended on such a sour note...like there wasnt ever an offical break up. On top of that, after the breakup, we tried to be friends a few times, knowing good and well we hated each other. And after those attempted friendships, I ended up hating him even more, which is why I think I feel the way I do now. But why?! Why cant I just let it go, stop letting it get me mad all over again!? I'm so much happier now, that part of my life has been over for over a year now, I'm about to move on to much bigger and better things and people...so I can no longer let him get me down. From this point on, I will try my best to maintain my composure and focus on the future whenever that relationship is brought up. Sounds like a plan to me :]

 

Quote Courtesy of iDream <--- visit her blog!

BB.

Ohhh, the boy does something for me. Can't put my finger on it. All I know is that I havent felt it from anyone in...almost exactly a year from saturday [Im pretty sure I broke up with my boyfriend on my birthday last year...] since then, I've had a lot of little flings, but nothing on this level of seriousness. Even though we arent what some may call "official" with a title or anything...I honestly don't care. He's mine :] Not to sound...possesive or anything, lmao.

Me: Mhmmm! So excited bruhhh
BB: Why so
Me: Because i loveee me some youuu!
BB: I likes that!
Me: Figured you would :)
BB: I love being with u too tho. Guess we just gne be two happy people
Me: Very happy :) idk, u just do sum to me when im with u. A good sum lol
BB: Thats how its supposed to be!
Me: I know! Just havent felt it in a long ass time from anyone else
BB: :-) ;-) :-*

we cute, we know :P